Title: Amor tussisque non celantur
Author: Charlene (charlene.vickers@gmail.com)
Series: DS9
Codes: Sisko/Bashir
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Julian Bashir finally makes it to a medical conference. 
Mayhem, gossip, betrayal, snogging, and snorted raktajino ensue. 
Disclaimer: Paramount owns Star Trek. Io Triumphe!
Notes: A very rough translation of the title would be, "Hiding love is like 
hiding a cough." Thanks to the downtown Edmonton, Alberta Econolodge for
the inspiration.

******

"Come on, Ben! Hurry!" the voice called.

No matter how quickly he ran, no matter how hard he tried, he could 
never get any closer to the top of Hyde Street. Every night for four 
nights the familiar voice had goaded him into climbing it, and every 
night he had failed.

"You have to do it! Come ON!"

He pushed himself, panting, gasping, but every time he thought he was 
getting closer he'd look up and he'd be in the same place he started.

"You're not trying!"

Finally in desperation he lunged forward and found himself flat on his 
back on a biobed in the Infirmary. He looked down at his swollen 
abdomen.

"I can't help you out of this if you won't even meet me halfway." 

Julian walked away, his footsteps echoing in the dark, empty room.

And he woke up again, like a sixteen-year-old boy.

******

"Doctor, I understand you've been asked to speak at this year's 
Starfleet Medical Annual Conference on Addictions. Are you planning on 
attending?"

Julian Bashir gave his commanding officer a wry look. "To be honest, 
sir, I'm not sure if that's a good idea. It seems every time I try to 
attend one of these conferences I end up being hijacked on the way 
there. I'm not even sure if what I have to say is worth going all the 
way to Sironis V for." 

"What do they want you to talk on?" Sisko asked.

"Breaking the addiction to Ketracel White." He looked out the viewport 
of the captain's office towards the wormhole. "In my opinion we've been 
on the wrong track all along. I don't think it's actually an addiction 
as much as a dietary necessity. We might as well be talking about 
breaking the human addiction to ascorbic acid or the Klingon addiction 
to taurine." He shrugged his shoulders. "It seems a long way to go just 
to say 'you're wrong'."

Sisko turned the full force of his charm on the doctor. "I think you 
should go anyway. Sironis V is less than 12 hours away by passenger 
shuttle and the change will do you good. God knows you need it."

He sighed. "There is that. It's not likely anybody at the conference 
will have heard about *that* yet." He frowned and shrunk down in 
his seat.

"Exactly. It'll get you off the station and give everyone here time to 
absorb what they've just learned about you." He paused for a moment. 
"As for the danger of being kidnapped again, I might have an answer for 
that, as long as you don't mind some company."

"Company, sir?"

"I'd like to go with you." At Bashir's puzzled look, he elaborated. 
"Admiral Ross has been nagging me for ages to take a few days off to 
recharge my batteries. I had wanted to go somewhere with Jake, but he's 
at the stage where if there isn't a girl or a good story involved he 
isn't interested."

"And the exploits of the Emissary wouldn't make a good story?"

"Apparently familiarity breeds contempt. And as for Kasidy, well, she's 
busy off doing her own thing, trying to make up for lost time."

"I suppose she has a lot of storage fees and back wages to pay after 
having her ship in long-term parking for so long."

Sisko shrugged. "I suppose." There was a lot more than that to the 
story, but he wasn't going to elaborate. 

"May I ask you one question, sir?" Bashir shifted in his seat. "Why 
would you want to go to a medical conference? You have to admit, it's a 
bit like choosing to endure a Klingon Day of Honour celebration."

"Well, I don't, but I noticed that Dr. Raj Chandra is the keynote 
speaker. We served together aboard the Saratoga for a number of years. 
I haven't seen him for - good heavens, must be five years now; I'd love 
to catch up on old times with him. I'm sure there must be some tourist 
things I could do on Sironis V as well. So why not? You get to present 
your findings on Ketracel White, you get off the station, I get to 
visit with Raj and I get Admiral Ross off my back; everybody's happy." 
He gave Bashir another dazzling grin. "So how about it?"

The doctor shrugged. "Very well, Captain, if you think it's a good 
idea."

"I do. I'll arrange for transportation and accommodation if you'll 
contact Medical and confirm your attendance."

Funny how clichés didn't always tell the truth, he thought as Julian 
left his office. Familiarity might breed contempt, but sometimes it was 
familiarity, not absence, that made the heart grow fonder. He only 
hoped - well, he'd know soon enough.

******

The Sironis V Markhart Spaceplex was by far the ugliest hotel complex 
he had ever seen.

The conference organizers had given Julian and him adjoining rooms on 
the 12th floor of a concrete block very much like the other eight 
blocks in the same compound. All were dull grey slabs adorned with rows 
of tawdry turquoise plastic balcony fronts and edged by columns of 
chipped chrome that were probably fashionable around the time Colonel 
Greene was alive. He looked down into the concrete patio area that 
surrounded a small kidney-shaped pool.

"Positively pre-warp, isn't it, Captain?" Julian said from the door of 
his connecting balcony. "It's like something you'd see in a holovid 
from ancient Earth. Early Soviet is what they'd call it."

"Early Suicidal is closer to the truth. Why would Starfleet Medical 
choose such a blah venue?"

"From what I've seen, sir, it's deliberate. Med Central probably has a 
department whose only function is to find the ugliest places in the 
Federation to hold their conferences. They probably get a discount. 
Perhaps it looks better in the daytime."

Ben held up his hand and walked over to him. "Ben is fine. I don't feel 
much like being a captain right now." He looked down at the courtyard. 
"I was looking forward to lying out in the sun tomorrow but I suppose 
they don't get much sun down near the pool. Then again, I was looking 
forward to dinner, but my replicator is out of order."

Julian nodded towards his door. "Use mine. Although there are only 
twelve choices on the menu. Rubber chicken, rubber pork, rubber 
plomeek..."

They walked through the doorway. "I'm beginning to see why you don't 
like to go to these seminars. Are the accommodations usually this 
poor?"

"Nobody attends a medical conference for the food or the view," Julian 
said with a shrug as he handed Ben the replicator menu. "Nobody ever 
complains, or I suppose if they do nobody pays attention. A lot of 
Starfleet medical researchers have never lived planetside. To them this 
is the lap of luxury. Then again, compared to a Dominion internment 
camp..." He shivered.

"I'm sorry, I forgot." He ordered a beef and vegetable stir-fry. "I 
suppose it doesn't seem that bad to you."

"Compared to sharing a lump of black bread and a stone outcrop with 
Enabran Tain, anything would seem luxurious." Julian chose a bowl of 
soup from the menu and carried it to the table. "Please, sir-"

"Ben."

Julian smiled shyly. "Ben - sit down." They sat with their meals.

"So what's on the agenda for this conference?" Sisko asked after a few 
minutes. 

The doctor reached over and fished around in his bag for the padd. "Let 
me see - here it is. The first seminar is at 1000 tomorrow. Dr. Robert 
Henry is discussing Alcoholism in Deep Space." He snorted. "I should've 
brought Morn with me."

Ben laughed out loud. "He'd be an entire conference in and of himself."

"Then - isn't that the truth - then at 1300 there's the seminar on 
Ketracel White I'm expected to speak at. At 1500 the CMO of the 
Challenger is giving a talk on combating gaming addiction among teens 
on starships."

"God." A more boring topic Sisko couldn't imagine.

"At 1900 -- it never ends -- Professor Sivok of the VSA is lecturing on 
Opiates and The Prime Directive." He and Ben shared a look. "The next 
day, it's Wireheading and Addiction at 1000, a panel discussion on The 
Addictive Personality in the Workplace at 1300, and the keynote address 
at 1700 is -- good grief, it's 'Will Mood-Altering Drugs Spoil the 
Commanding Officer?'"

"I take it the answer is yes?"

"You'd have to ask Dr. Chandra about that; he's the one giving the 
speech." He shook his head. "You know, this might be a terrible thing 
to say, but some of these topics have been discussed at every 
addictions conference I've ever been to, and nothing ever gets solved. 
I'm not saying some of the discussions don't contain useful information 
- I'm looking forward to what Dr. Henry has to say - but half of these 
seminars are the same people saying the same things to the same 
audience every single time."

"They like the sound of their own voices."

"An occupational hazard of physicians, I'm afraid." Julian suddenly 
yawned.

Ben finished his meal and stood up. "I should let you rest. You worked 
on your speech all the way here; you're probably exhausted. Thanks for 
letting me use your replicator." He recycled the dish and fork.

Julian shrugged. "Starfleet pays for it all anyway. Did the front desk 
say when they'd fix yours?"

"The front desk," he said with an angry laugh, "isn't open after 2100. 
I had to leave a message."

"Good lord. If you want breakfast, just sneak in here through the 
balcony. I'll be up early for Dr. Henry's lecture anyway."

"I'll probably just sleep in. I've been having these strange dreams 
recently, to tell the truth; it'll probably do me good to get some 
extra rest."

"What kind of dreams?" Julian asked, worried.

He waved a hand. "Bizarre recurring dreams. I'm running up Hyde Street 
in San Francisco - you know, the steep road that goes over Russian Hill 
and has the cable cars running up it? I keep running up it but I don't 
get anywhere. Then suddenly I'm," and his face grew warm, "pregnant."

Julian smothered a chortle. "Pregnant. That's - unusual."

"You're telling me. Now you see why I decided to take Admiral Ross's 
advice and go on a short vacation."

"I, um - yes, I can see that." He saw Ben to the balcony door. "I hope 
you have more pleasant, or at least less eventful, dreams tonight."

"Good night, Julian." They exchanged smiles.

"Good night."

As Ben entered his own room and closed his balcony door, he wondered if 
he should have told Julian about the rest of the dream - the biobed, 
the Infirmary. The certainty that Julian was the baby's father.

He chuckled. The young man probably would have thrown him off the 
balcony.

As he turned off the light and dove under the covers, he said a prayer 
to any listening deities asking to be spared the unpleasant dream this 
evening. He also promised himself that he'd talk to Julian tomorrow 
about the other matter.

******

He looked to his left. He had got past Chestnut Street for once. 

"You're doing much better," the voice called out. "See if you can get 
all the way." 

But he couldn't. His feet were so heavy, the road was so steep, and the 
air was so hot and thick - he collapsed to the ground, and found 
himself once again flat on his back on the biobed. This time he 
couldn't even see his feet. He could feel the child moving inside him.

Julian was sitting beside the bed to his right, his chin perched on his 
fists. "Couldn't you be just a little bit braver?" he said, a touch of 
impatience in his voice.

His eyes flew open. 

He scowled as he crawled out of bed and headed for the shower.

******

Ah, this was the life.

Resting on a chaise longue by the pool, the hot sun warming his 
shoulders, a soft breeze playing over his forehead, a cool drink on the 
table beside him, Ben could almost forget the events of the past six 
months, the horrors he had seen the people he loved go through, the 
decisions he had made and was going to have to make in the very near 
future.

Almost. Some things he could put away for the moment, but others -

"I trust you've given yourself a sunblock hypo?"

He cracked an eye open and glared at Julian, who had crouched down 
beside his chaise. "I hardly think I'm in any danger of burning, 
Doctor."

He gave Ben one of his patented 'I am the physician' stares. "Squamous 
cell carcinomas and cutaneous lymphomas don't discriminate on the basis 
of melanin production. Even melanoma can affect humans with darker 
skin. These diseases may not be exactly fatal, but the treatments 
aren't a lot of fun compared to a quick hypo. I'll go up and replicate 
one." He looked around. "In fact, I'll replicate two, if you don't mind 
some company."

"Be my guest. You won't get hell for missing the teen gaming lecture?" 

He shrugged. "I can't see how; I've heard it three times already."

Ben chuckled and closed his eyes. Before he knew it he felt the cool 
hiss of a hypo at his neck. "That was fast."

"I've been gone half an hour. You must have drifted off." He looked up 
and saw that Julian, who had ditched his uniform for a pair of dark 
bathing trunks similar to his own, was trying without eminent success 
to open his own chaise beside Ben's. "How do you open this damned thing 
- for the love of-"

"You have to push the red button."

"The red button?" The chaise suddenly sprung open, knocking the table 
and Ben's drink over. "Ah. Well. It's open now. Um...what were you 
drinking?"

He grinned. "Something called a Blue Peacock. I'm afraid all the 
refreshments at the kiosk are alcohol-free."

Julian laughed. "What do you expect at an addictions conference? I'll 
get you a new one." 

Ben followed him with his eyes as he ambled off. God, Sisko, it's time 
to fish or cut bait. Shit or get off the pot. Say something to him or 
find a new cliché.

Julian returned with two glasses, righting the table before taking his 
seat.

"How was your seminar?" Ben stretched out his hand and took his glass 
from Julian.

"It went as well as could be expected. I spoke for 30 minutes and then 
the audience asked me a bunch of questions that I had already answered. 
I bit my cheek and answered them with a smile on my face. It's always 
the same." He took a sip of his drink. "Hey, this isn't bad. It's sort 
of like a Blue Hawaii."

They lay side by side in the sun for a while. "Can I ask you a 
question?" Julian eventually asked.

"Sure." 

"Why are you really here?"

He sighed. "One reason is I needed time away from the station - well, 
from Kasidy, to be brutally honest - to think." He folded his free arm 
behind his head. "Sometimes I feel like I'm walking on a board with a 
loose marble under it. Every step I take, I don't know if the board is 
going to shift or not. Do you know what I mean?"

"You're wondering if the joy you get from being on the board is worth 
the insecurity you feel while you're on it."

"That's exactly it. I'd like to trust Kasidy, but how do I know if 
she's being honest with me, even now? There may not be a Maquis any 
more, but God knows there are a hundred other groups she could be 
dealing with under the table. How can I be sure she isn't double-
crossing me as we speak?" 

"I don't know how to answer that. I don't really know her. Was it love 
of the Maquis cause that made her do it, or the money, or a 
combination? I'd think the second would be more dangerous, but then 
again, who knows?" He thought for a moment. "If I cared for someone who 
was dedicated to, say, a government or a movement I didn't believe in, 
and if they kept doing things on behalf of that government, I don't 
think I could trust that person to have my best interests at heart. 
Would they put me in danger? Would they kill me? But at least in that 
case I'd know where the danger lay. If they were doing it for money, 
I'd never know where I stood."

Ben studied his own feet. "It's just - sometimes I feel like I'm dating 
her because she fits the mold of the person I should be dating. She's 
young, beautiful, human. She looks a bit like my first wife. Jake likes 
her. She's who everyone wants for me. But-" He pressed his lips 
together and raised his brows.

"But you're not sure if she's who *you* want," Julian said. "Do 
you have to make a decision right now? Can't you wait and see how 
things turn out?"

He sighed. "There's a complication. Someone else. Somebody I've found 
myself becoming very much attracted to, but I don't know if the 
attraction is returned." He took another sip of his drink, suddenly 
wishing it were alcoholic. "I think I owe it to myself to find out." 

Julian stretched out on his chaise. "Why don't you just ask this - 
someone else?"

"It's not that easy. For one thing, I've never seen them with a human."

"Mm. That might be a problem. Some species don't find humans that 
attractive. On the other hand," Julian said, waggling his eyebrows, 
"Gul Dukat *is* a very handsome man."

Ben spit out the mouthful of his beverage he had just taken. "Julian, 
you-" and he looked and saw the wicked glint in the man's eye. "Very 
funny."

"Not Dukat?" Julian looked up at the sky. "Well, then. Must be Kai 
Winn. All that gold braid must have gone to your head."

"You- you're incorrigible!"

The younger man smirked. "You know the attraction's returned 
there. She can't keep her eyes off you. I'm surprised she hasn't 
propositioned you at least once already."

Ben glared at him. "You're - she - what?!?" 

He held up his hand. "Cadet's honour. Haven't you noticed? Her pupils 
dilate, her pulse races -- she's crazy about you."

"Oh hell." He finished his drink and put down his glass, then looked 
back at Julian. "Did I ever tell you that I noticed the difference?"
 
"Difference?"

"Between you and the shapeshifter."

He shuddered. "I don't want to - you noticed?" He gave Ben a puzzled 
look. "But I thought nobody realized there had been a switch."

"It never occurred to me that you had been replaced, but I noticed that 
you were different. For one thing, he didn't smile like you did. He had 
this predatory smile, sort of like when Quark thinks of the Grand 
Negus's treasury." 

"Really?" Julian pushed himself up on one elbow, suddenly interested. 
"Nobody mentioned that. They said he mimicked me perfectly."

Ben snorted. "So perfectly that I asked him if he wanted a transfer off 
the station twice. One day there you were, acting like you always do, 
and the next day you were treating me as if you had never said more 
than ten words to me in your life. He was so exquisitely professional 
that he stuck out - at least to me - like a sore thumb. I assumed that 
I had made you uncomfortable in some way and I offered you, or him, a 
transfer. Later on there was that mess with Ziyal..."

Julian rolled his eyes. "Garak told me about that. Thank you for 
letting us tell her about the substitution, by the way. She must have 
felt awful."

"It was the least I could do. Anyway, I offered him a transfer after 
that too, but he wouldn't take it then either. I suppose I should have 
figured it out by then, but instead I contacted Starfleet Medical 
confidentially and asked them to send out an independent counsellor."

"You did?"

He waved a hand. "Luckily for Lieutenant Henstridge, she didn't arrive 
until after the shapeshifter was discovered. He probably would have 
killed her."

"I didn't know any of that. His medical skills were first-rate. I 
checked out the surgery he performed on you and it was state-of-the-
art, although I have to admit I don't like the idea of a Founder having 
had his fingers in your brain." He suddenly narrowed his gaze. "Why 
would you think you could have made me uncomfortable?"

God. Well, now was as good a time as any. He sat up, took a deep 
breath, and looked into Julian's eyes. "Well, you know when I said 
that-"

"Ben?" a voice interrupted. "Ben Sisko? What the hell are you doing 
here?"

Dammit. Sisko looked up, plastering a smile on his face as he and Julian 
quickly stood. "Raj! You old devil you!" he said. "I heard you were 
giving the keynote address. How are you doing!"

The tall, silver-haired Indian man grabbed Ben's outstretched hand and 
thumped him on the shoulder. "My God, it must be five years since I saw 
you last and you don't look a week older, although I must say the 
goatee makes you look even more devious than you did on the Saratoga. 
How are you keeping?" He looked over at Julian with obvious interest. 
"And who is this young man?"

"Oh, forgive me." He gestured towards Julian. "Dr. Rajwinder Chandra, 
Dr. Julian Bashir. Julian's the CMO on Deep Space Nine."

"How do you do," Julian said as he held out his hand to the older man, 
who shook it enthusiastically.

"So pleasant to meet you-"

"Julian, I think I mentioned that Raj was the CMO on the Saratoga, 
although I'm afraid I don't recognize-" He took another look at the 
pregnant Trill woman at Dr. Chandra's side. "Pim? Pimara Lanam?"

"The one and only," she replied with a smile. "Although I'm now Pimara 
Chandra. Raj and I were married last June back in Sydney."

"Well, congratulations!" Ben shook Pimara'a hand, then turned to 
Julian. "Pim's a friend of Jadzia's. I don't know if she introduced you 
to her."

Julian held out his hand to her. "It's very nice to finally meet you. 
Jadzia's mentioned your work in particle physics a number of times. The 
two of you shared an office when you were writing your dissertations, I 
understand."

"It's nice to meet you too - Julian, is it? I'm afraid-"

Dr. Chandra interrupted them. "I'm sorry to have to run away so 
quickly, but Pimara and I have a meeting with the regents in ten 
minutes regarding the keynote address."

"Ah, yes," Ben said. "So do mood-altering drugs spoil the commanding 
officer?"

Chandra laughed. "I'm not sure if Admiral T'Para agrees that they do. 
It was good to see you again, Ben, and very nice to meet you, Dr. 
Bashir. I'll look forward to seeing the two of you at the address." 
They smiled and left.

"He's very, um, gregarious," Julian said, watching the couple whisper 
to each other as they reached the door of the main hall. "I think I'll 
need physiotherapy on my arm."

Ben sighed. "It's good to see him happy again. He was devastated after 
Wolf 359. He lost his first wife and three children, you know."

"God. Makes you wonder how bad things will get in this war, how many 
people will lose everything." He frowned at the dark clouds gathering 
as a few drops of rain splashed on them. "We had better get inside 
before the storm hits."

They rushed towards their building, reaching the doorway seconds before 
the heavens opened up. "I was wondering," Ben ventured, "whether you're 
really set on attending the 'Opiates and the Prime Directive' lecture 
this evening."

Julian made a face as they walked towards the turbolift. "That's 
another one I've sat through more than once, but what else is there to 
do around here?" A crash of thunder made him jump. "They don't have 
much of a weather net, do they?"

"Actually, I've been reading up. Thunder and lightning are deities in 
the local religion, so the weather net allows the storms through and 
simply redirects the lightning strikes to safer locations." They 
entered the turbolift. "There's also a vibrant local cultural 
community. I was wondering if you'd like to sneak off and look around 
this evening, maybe sample some of the local food."

"Anything's better than the lunch they served in the cafeteria today." 

"I heard about that. Banana pudding?" He shuddered as they reached 
their floor. "What time do you want to leave?"

Julian thought for a moment. "I have a few notes to write up from my 
lecture. Say 1900?" 
 
"Sounds good." They parted in the hallway. "Oh, and make sure to wear 
civilian clothes. The Sironans have apparently been a bit wary of 
Starfleet members since the last group of Marines came through."

"Ah. Will do," Julian said with a laugh as he ducked into his room.

******

Worf and Jadzia were finishing lunch when Dax's portable message padd 
blinked.

"That's strange," she murmured. "I haven't heard from Pimara Chandra 
since her wedding and I've suddenly just received a message from her on 
Sironis V. I wonder what's up."

Worf frowned at her from across their table at the Replimat. "Captain 
Sisko and Dr. Bashir are attending a conference on Sironis V this week, 
are they not?"

She opened the message. "Ben messaged me after they arrived. I hope 
nothing's-" She suddenly choked on her raktajino.

"Jadzia, what is it?!"

"You," she started as coffee dribbled out of her nose, "you won't-" and 
she coughed again, gave up and tapped the padd. Worf stared at her, 
then picked it up and began to read.


   Jadz dear,

   Some gossip you are! Why didn't you tell me that Ben Sisko was going 
to be at the addictions conference this year OR that he was seeing 
someone? You could've knocked both of us over when we saw him here 
today with his BOYFRIEND! That Julian (is that his name?) is *so* 
deelish - and a doctor too! We saw the two of them this afternoon 
lounging around by the pool in the sexiest matching swimming cossies 
you have EVER seen, leaving NOTHING and I mean NOTHING to the 
imagination, flirting with each other like they didn't have a care in 
the world. True lurrve or what?

   OMFG is this the same Julian you said was 'pestering' you just after 
you were joined? You IDIOT! Haven't you seen him in a cossie? You 
should have chained him to your headboard! I cannot believe that Ben 
"Stick Up His Ass the Size of Bajor" Sisko could catch someone THAT 
gorgeous in a **MILLION YEARS**!! They make such a cute couple, even 
Raj says so!

   Anyway gotta run, just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate 
you keeping me up with all the DS9 gossip - NOT!! 

                           Love, Pim

   PS: The baby's wiggling like a slug! How DO you put up with it?


They stared at each other.

"This is not our business, Jadzia," Worf rumbled.

"She must be wrong," Jadzia mumbled as she wiped her face. "This can't 
-- she has to be mistaken. That's the only possibility."

"Nevertheless," Worf said, "this is none of our business. We will 
pretend that you did not receive that message."

"I'd like to pretend I never read it." She sighed, annoyed. "You're 
right. It sounds like Pim got her lines crossed. Can you imagine how 
embarrassed the two of them would be if they found out?" She shook her 
head. "You're right. Let's just pretend this never happened."

"As I said. It is the best choice under the circumstances." They 
recycled their plates and left the Replimat. 

In her haste to return to Ops, Jadzia didn't notice the padd slip from 
her grasp and fall to the floor. Three minutes later it was in the 
hands of a very surprised Lurian.

******

"Thank you for dragging me away from the hotel. I never would have 
imagined this existed."

Sisko and Bashir were walking through a square in the city. Ancient 
adobe houses painted in shades of red and yellow ochre were fronted 
by overflowing flower baskets and bright blue flags while quaint lamps 
designed to look like old-style gaslights gave the surrounding 
cobblestone lanes a golden glow. Tiny children, their brown and pink 
skin glowing under the lights, frolicked under their parents' watchful 
eyes while couples and triads walked arm-in-arm down the lanes and a 
troupe of gymnasts showed off within the square itself.

Julian nodded to a small bistro down one of the side streets. "Do you 
want to try there? Whatever they're cooking certainly smells 
appetizing."

"Why not?" They walked towards the restaurant. "I should warn you, 
though, that in Sironan restaurants you share everything on the table. 
There's one bench, one plate, one glass for everyone."

Julian frowned. "Doesn't sound terribly hygienic. Do they share 
utensils?"

"They consider knives and forks barbaric. They use pieces of flatbread 
instead. And since they don't generally eat with anyone other than 
family members, I suppose they assume everyone has the same germs 
already. Everything is sterilized as it comes out of the kitchen, 
though, at least according to the guide."

The maitre d' approached them as they entered and showed them to a 
small table behind a stand of palms. He and Julian sat on the single 
bench.

Ben looked over at the other couples and triads cuddling in the 
corners. "I'm glad Sironans are larger than we are. We'd be shoehorned 
in here if we had to sit as closely as they do."

"They certainly don't seem to be big on personal space, do they?" 
Julian said absentmindedly, peering up at the thousands of multi-
coloured streamers hanging down from the ceiling and just failing to 
touch the tops of their heads. "I suppose empaths are more comfortable 
that way, but-"

"Hello, who are you?"

They looked down at the tiny pink-skinned child standing beside their 
bench, hir eyes as big as saucers.

"My name's Julian," the doctor said. "What's yours?"

Sie smiled. "I'm Xiefar. What's your wife's name?"

Julian choked on the sip of water he had just taken. "Um - my, uh, 
friend's name is Benjamin. How old are you, Xiefar?"

The child ignored his question. "Why isn't sie your wife?"

"Well, on our home planet 'friend' is the word we use for some 
relationships between people who aren't married." 

Ben smirked and bit his lip.

"Oh." The child thought for a moment. "If sie isn't your wife, how will 
the two of you make babies?"

"Um..." Julian looked around desperately, his face turning darker by 
the second as Ben quaked with silent laughter. "Perhaps you should ask 
your parents about that. I, uh-"

"Xiefar!" a voice emerged from the kitchen. "Get back in here!"

The youngster reached up on hir tiptoes and whispered into Julian's 
ear, "I bet you and your 'friend' would have really pretty babies if 
you'd just marry hir." Sie ran away into the kitchen.

Julian leaned forward and thumped his head against the tablecloth. "Oh 
God."

Ben laughed. "And you thought Molly was bad."

"I'll never complain to Miles or Keiko again." He gazed over at Ben and 
finally broke out in a smile. "Don't remind me of that promise, all 
right?"

"You know," Ben said, "the Sironans don't have any cultural idea of 
singlehood or dual sexes. You can't blame the child for not recognizing 
something sie's probably never seen before in hir life."

"Now that you mention it, you're right. I haven't seen any single 
people around other than a few seniors."

"There probably aren't any. According to the tourist guide, the main 
Sironan language doesn't even have a word for singlehood. The only 
terms for an unmarried person are 'child' and 'widow'. Virtually every 
adult under 200 is married."

"Just imagine: an entire planet and almost nobody lonely." He looked 
around them. "Even the elderly people, the ones you'd expect to be 
alone in any society, seem to have family with them."

Ben could hear the sigh in the man's voice. "Are you lonely, Julian?"

"Sometimes. Well, most of the time." He gave Ben a sheepish smile as 
their food and wine was delivered. "Constantly. It's my own damn fault, 
though. I push everyone away."

"Not everyone," Ben replied.

"Everyone, or at least every single person who's ever loved me. If I 
don't dump them myself, I sabotage the relationship and give them some 
reason to dump me for a danceur, a professor, an art student, a Ferengi 
bartender..."

"You're afraid of anyone getting close?" Ben asked, trying a small 
purple appetizer-sized stuffed vegetable.

"I was afraid of anyone learning 'the big secret'," he replied. "But 
it's more than that. I didn't think I had the right to be loved if I 
had a secret I couldn't tell anyone. Maybe now that it's out, things 
will be different. I hope they'll be." He sighed. "Enough of that; 
let's eat." He tore off a piece of bread and scooped up some of the 
stew. "Mm. This is really good. It's just like the nihari my mother 
makes."

Ben looked up as the waiters drew privacy screens around them. "I 
wonder what that's about," he mused as he tried a bite of the stew. 
"That's really spicy."

They ate in silence for a few minutes. Julian suddenly reached for the 
wine glass, but his hand bumped Ben's. "Sorry."

"No, that's okay. You go first."

"Thanks." He smiled and took a sip. "It's quite sweet...almost tastes 
like blueberries. Try some." He held the glass out to Ben.

He took it from Julian and swallowed a mouthful. "I see what you mean. 
It goes nicely with the stew, though. You should try one of these." He 
held up one of the purple hors d'oeuvres from his side of the plate. 

"All right." But instead of taking the appetizer from him, Julian bent 
over and ate it right out of his hand. Ben could barely suppress a moan 
at the feeling of Julian's lips on his fingers. 

Julian suddenly looked up at him. "Ben, I'm the one, aren't I? The one 
you've developed the attraction to?"

He gazed into Julian's eyes - those beautiful hazel eyes - and nodded. 
"Are you offended?"
 
Ben wasn't sure if the sweetness of Julian's lips came from the wine or 
if it was a figment of his imagination. Then the young man deepened the 
kiss and he realized he didn't much care.

"Does that answer your question?" Julian whispered after their mouths 
had parted.

"It does." He traced his finger over the man's jawline. "How did you 
know?"

Julian kissed the tip of his nose. "Captains don't generally notice 
when their subordinate officers start to smile differently. They also 
don't turn red with jealousy when their subordinates take girls out to 
dinner."

"Red with-"

"Those were Garak's exact words for your reaction when you saw the 
shapeshifter with Ziyal in the Klingon restaurant. Now if you can't 
believe the observations of a trained Obsidian Order agent and, I might 
add, a restaurant full of Sironan empaths, what can you believe?"

He stared at Julian, speechless.

"Those are Napean thought shields," he said, nodding at the privacy 
screens. "The waiters put them up somewhat suddenly, didn't they?" He 
reached back to their nearly empty plate, picking up what looked like a 
tiny orange-stuffed mushroom cap. "Here, what does this taste like?"

He opened his lips and sucked the appetizer and Julian's fingers into 
his mouth, letting his tongue lap at Julian's index finger for just a 
second. "It tastes like we should leave," he said after swallowing the 
morsel.

"All right." They stood and walked to the front of the restaurant. Ben 
could feel Julian standing next to him while they settled the bill, 
touching him nowhere but impossibly close, the heat of his body burning 
through the light summer clothes they were wearing.

It seemed natural to walk out into the night arm in arm. The side 
streets behind the restaurant were silent and dark. "It's late," Julian 
said.

"I suppose-" but his words were cut off when Julian pressed him against 
the back of the restaurant and kissed him again. Their lips touched; 
their tongues danced; their desires met; their bodies trembled. 

"I want you, Ben; I've wanted you for so long." It was a plea, a 
confession, a request.

He grasped Julian's hand. "We should find some place more private."

"We could go back-"

"Let's just walk down to the end of the block. There's a maze back 
there."

"A maze?" Julian arched an eyebrow.

"The Sironans are crazy about mazes. They construct them out of some 
kind of hay every summer. They're huge - acres in size. The guide says 
the ones in this part of town are the local equivalent of our lovers' 
lanes."

"Really?" He let Ben pull him towards the maze and into the entryway. 
"It's dark in here."

Ben heard a giggle coming from a niche on his right. "Ssh." He edged 
ahead until he found a deserted corner. "Over here, Julian, honey," he 
whispered. "Just to the left."

"Honey?"

"Honey. Buttercup. Peaches. Sweet pea. Pookie." He punctuated the list 
with kisses.

"Good God Ben, I'm not a woman," he murmured against Ben's goatee.

Ben pulled him down into the hay. "Trust me, baby, that's damned 
obvious right about now."

******

Hoo-mans, Quark thought with a sneer. What did they know about honour? 
Now Klingons, there was a different story. Grilka -- beautiful, strong, 
wealthy, honourable Grilka -- what a woman she was. She would never 
leave him and go give oomox to some strange man at a 'medical 
conference'.

He snorted. He had thought that Captain Sisko was better than that, but 
he supposed all Humans were the same. They all looked the same, that 
was for certain-

Now where did that padd go? He looked around for a moment, than 
shrugged his shoulders. There was no profit in worrying about the 
proclivities of a promiscuous species such as the Humans. Maybe Morn 
had picked it up again.

He cast his eyes around the bar again. Where was Leeta?

******

"What's bothering you, Jadzia?"

Dax transmitted a landing clearance to a passenger freighter, then 
turned to Kira. "I got the strangest letter from a friend of mine today 
and I'm not sure what to do."

"What do you mean?" the Major asked as she warmed her hands around her 
teacup.

"Nerys, when you were pregnant, did you ever imagine things that 
weren't actually happening?"

Kira thought for a second. "Not really. I just got really annoyed at 
everyone and sneezed a lot." Her eyes suddenly got big. "Jadzia, you're 
not-"

She shook her head emphatically. "No! It's my friend! She - I shouldn't 
tell you this, though; Worf will kill me. He said I should pretend I 
didn't receive her message." 

"Oh, come on. I won't say anything to him. And if you're conflicted, 
maybe talking about it'll help." 

"Maybe. Promise you won't say anything?"

"Of course."

Dax looked around, then leant in. "Well, my friend Pim is at the same 
conference..."

******

He placed his feet on the summit.

"Well, you finally made it," the familiar voice said.

Ben took in the view from the top of the hill - the corner of Hyde 
Street and Lombard Street. He had won!

Jennifer smiled and gave him a hug. "Good luck, Ben." She walked down 
the twisting street and was soon out of sight. 

He shook his head and walked across the street. There was something 
over here he needed to do - he looked down. Give birth, that's right. 
It should hurt, but instead it felt wonderful. Oh yes, it felt -- oh 
God, yes, such pleasure...

And he woke up on the crest of ecstasy, crying out incoherently. 

"Good morning, lover." Julian sat up and kissed him - and what a joy it 
was to taste himself on those lips. 

He tried to say something more but all he could get out was, "Wow." 

"That's what I said last night," Julian said as he gathered him in his 
arms. A few minutes later, he said, "It's too bad we have to leave this 
place."

"You mean the maze?" He thought for a second. "That reminds me. We 
should get dressed. They open this place at 0630."

"Oh hell." They pulled their clothes on quickly, checking their pockets 
to make sure they had their credit chits and comm badges, and quickly 
exited. 

Ben looked at his chrono as they walked out into the bright morning 
sunlight. "0553. We're fine. But what do you mean it's too bad we have 
to leave? I don't especially want to go back to the war, but we can't 
shirk our duties and lie around a pool for the rest of our lives."

"That's not what I mean." Julian shoved his hands in his pockets. "I 
mean, we can't be together on Deep Space Nine, can we?"

"I can't see why we can't. That is, if you want to try." They set off 
towards the hotel complex. "I've been thinking about this for weeks, 
you know. I - it sounds silly to say out loud, but I trust you. Being 
with you wouldn't be like walking on a board with a marble underneath 
it."

The doctor gave him a skeptical look. "You trust *me*? I'm the one 
who lied to the entire Federation for over 25 years."

"Yes, but I can understand that. It's all nice for people to say that 
they'd have been upfront about it, but I can't imagine becoming 
stateless, losing everything I had over something I didn't even 
choose." 

Julian snorted. "Do you think I would have said no if they'd given me a 
choice? Then again, I wouldn't have been able to understand the 
question."

"Still, it's not the same thing. I trust you. You've saved my life I 
don't know how many times and - well, I suppose I can understand some 
lies better than others. Yours I can understand and accept. Something 
that immense..." He put his arm through Julian's. "Promise you'll think 
about it?"

He finally gave Ben one of his wonderful smiles. "All right."

He grinned. "Then let's go back and see if we can coax some rubber 
breakfast out of that replicator."

******

"...remarkable aspect of the alcoholic is that under the influence of 
ethanol he will almost certainly present symptoms of Narcissistic 
Personality Disorder. Yet when the same individual is observed while 
sober no such symptoms will exist. It is no less remarkable that every 
one of our ethanol addicted patients present the same symptoms. We must 
therefore ask: does addiction cause Narcissistic Personality Disorder 
to develop, or do individuals with latent NPD..."

Make speeches? Ben asked himself. He had known that Raj Chandra could 
be long-winded at times, but this was ridiculous. He had been talking 
for over an hour and a half.

"...deleterious effects of NPD on the command structure can hardly be 
understated, especially in the harsh and isolated conditions of a deep 
space mission. Chief medical officers must be constantly vigilant for 
the emergence of unexpected personality disorders in command-level 
officers, as such emergence may signal the development of ethanol or 
other..."

The woman across the table from him was making lovely dodecahedral 
patterns out of her julienned parsnips and carrots. Like gold and 
orange snowflakes, he thought...they went nicely with the carpet...

He suddenly blinked and sat up straight as Julian's elbow dug into his 
ribs.

"...vigilance is imperative at all stages of the deep space mission, 
from difficult treaty negotiations to first contact situations to 
transit through empty sectors. In fact, if there were one situation 
that could be said to be the most difficult for the commanding officer, 
the one that would lead the CO to drink, it would be that which tends 
to cause boredom and frustration..."

Raj could say that again, he thought as he looked into his glass. Being 
Emissary to the Prophets would be a lot more fun if he could turn water 
into wine.

Suddenly everyone was standing up and applauding; Ben leapt to his feet 
and joined in. 

"Does Command have conferences like this?" Julian whispered in his ear 
as he continued to applaud.

"Never," Ben replied. "And if we did I wouldn't drag you along to the 
speeches even if I could."

"It wasn't like we had much of a choice. Missing seminars is one thing, 
but the keynote address?" He shook his head. "Deep shit, Ben. Deep 
shit."

Twenty minutes later he and Julian were at the front of the room once 
again shaking Dr. Chandra's hand. 

"Wonderful speech, Raj. We enjoyed it very much," Ben said, biting his 
cheek.

"Absolutely," Julian agreed. "A great deal of practical information for 
those of us at the front lines. I'll look forward to receiving the 
written copy; I'd like to pass it on to my staff."

Chandra beamed. "I thought you would find some interest in it, Dr. 
Bashir. Ben, I have to apologize that Pim isn't here. She had so wanted 
to meet you and Dr. Bashir again, but she was feeling a little dizzy - 
you know, with the baby and everything - so we thought it best if she 
remained on bed rest this evening."

"I hope everything is all right."

"Just fine; it's quite normal at this stage." He gave the two of them 
another beatific smile. "Perhaps once this dreadful war is over the two 
of you will be able to share the same joy that Pim and I are enjoying 
right now."

"I - perhaps, yes," Ben stammered out as Julian elbowed him. "Someday." 
He looked behind Chandra. "I think Admiral T'Para is waiting for you."

"As she is. It was wonderful seeing you again, Ben. Dr. Bashir, a 
pleasure to have met you. I hope the two of you have a safe trip back 
to Deep Space Nine. Give my love to your son."

As Ben watched his old friend and the admiral walk to the other end of 
the room, Julian suddenly whispered in his ear, "In your dreams, Ben."

******

Most of the passengers were Marines travelling to the front lines; 
there were a few civilians as well, and two Bajoran prylars in the 
front row who greeted him and asked for his blessing. Nobody either of 
them knew was on the shuttle, though, which gave Julian and him some 
time to talk before they had to return to Deep Space Nine and, at least 
for a little while, pretend.

"So when are you going to talk to Kasidy?"

"As soon as she returns to the station. I wouldn't feel comfortable 
talking to her over subspace."

Julian squeezed his hand. "I wouldn't think very highly of you if you 
did. I remember back in med school, one of our professors had her 
husband break up with her over subspace. They had been married 25 
years."

They sat together in companionable silence. "I think," Ben said after a 
while, "that we should wait a month or so before we go public with 
this. I'd like to keep what happened here between ourselves. Our own 
little secret."

"I'd like that too," Julian replied. "Let them think we started dating 
on the station. Nobody has to know about Sironis V."

"And our literal roll in the hay."

"Ssh, somebody'll hear." Julian smiled at him - that wonderful shy 
smile the shapeshifter had never been able to duplicate.

Ben sat back and looked at his handsome young lover. Maybe they'd both 
be dead in a month or a year, but right now he felt like the luckiest 
man in the quadrant. "I'd like to shout about it from the top of the 
shuttle, but on the other hand it's sort of fun to keep the secret."

"Absolutely, Ben," Julian said as he gave him another sweet smile. 
"Nobody needs to know until we tell them."

******

"Keiko Ishikawa O'Brien, that is the biggest, most steaming pile of 
bullshit I have ever heard in my life." Miles O'Brien glared at his 
wife over dinner. "I'd like to know who thought up that piece of..."

Keiko frowned at him. "Kira told me when she was over this afternoon 
playing with Yoshi. A friend of Jadzia's saw them on Sironis V - 
according to her, they were practically humping each other beside the 
pool-"

"Keiko!"

"Miles, I'm only repeating what Nerys said."

He threw down his fork. "Still, it's bullshit. It's - sure, Julian'll 
throw himself at anything sentient that can walk through an airlock, 
but Captain Sisko? He's seeing that freighter captain. It's not 
possible." He thought for a moment. "Although that'd explain why he 
decided to go off to a medical conference."

"That's what I told Nerys."

"Y'think? Nah." He scratched behind his ear. "Y'think?"

******

"We have permission to dock."

"Take her in, Sforzi. One-quarter thrusters." Captain Yates smiled 
faintly as the docking clamps caught. "Mr. Lora, you have the bridge. 
Ensure all proper procedures are followed." 

"Aye, Captain." 

Kasidy tugged at her tunic as she headed for her quarters. She was 
certain her Napean first officer would be able to sneak their more 
adventurous cargo past the station security detail, but she'd feel more 
confident about it if she could distract Ben. Well, she wanted to see 
him too. Such a handsome man, that Benjamin Sisko. She couldn't deny 
that she was falling for him.

First, though, she wanted to check her messages. Darn. Ross had ordered 
Ben to go on a vacation while she had been in the Ktaris sector. 
Sironis V was a beautiful planet too, as long as you stayed away from 
the tourist areas. There was this waterfall, she remembered, on the 
south continent...maybe if he was still there she could join him.

"Lora to Captain Yates."

She pressed her comm button. "Yes, Lora?"

"There's a young Bajoran woman at the airlock. She says she has a padd 
that contains information - and I'm quoting her here - that you 
absolutely need to know right away. She's not lying."

The hair on the back of Kasidy's neck rose. This did not sound good. 
"Tell her I'll be there as soon as I can." She rose from her terminal 
and rushed out the door.

******

Captain Sisko preceded Dr. Bashir off the passenger shuttle. Strange, 
Sisko thought; why was most of his command staff apparently loitering 
around the airlock at this time of day? Chief O'Brien was hovering near 
the end of the hallway, pretending to repair a completely empty panel; 
Dax and Worf were standing to the side of the airlock pretending to 
talk with each other, but they weren't actually speaking; Constable Odo 
was overlooking the disembarking passengers, but was watching him with 
special care. Strangest of all, Quark seemed to be hanging around with 
a holocamera for no reason whatsoever.

"Welcome home, Captain, Doctor." Major Kira looked at his left shoulder 
and nodded. 

He arched an eyebrow. "Thank you, Major." He looked around. "Did 
something happen on Deep Space Nine while I was-"

WHACK!

"Ben, are you all right?" he heard Julian say as an arm wrapped around 
his shoulder, cushioning his fall. "What the hell-"

He looked up out of his good eye to see an infuriated Kasidy Yates 
coming at him again, only to be restrained inches away from his throat 
by Constable Odo. "You PIG!" she cried out. "You asshole! I leave you 
for two weeks - TWO WEEKS! - and you can't stop yourself from fucking 
around on me!"

"Captain Yates, try to restrain -- Quark, give me that." Odo morphed a 
third hand and wearily plucked the holocamera out of the Ferengi's 
hands. "Go back to your bar."

Kasidy was in the meantime still spitting fire at him. "You want him, 
Dr. Bashir? You want this lying PIG? Oh, you can have him. Remember, if 
he cheats with you, he'll cheat ON you, so don't come crying to me when 
you find him in some bimbo's arms, okay?" She pulled herself out of 
Odo's grasp, tugged her tunic down, and stalked back to her ship with 
an air of injured dignity.

"Oh, God." He touched his eye socket. "Ouch."

"-that camera cost me 10 bars of-"

"-Ben, what the hell was that about-"

"-Jadzia, do not interfere in what is obviously-"

"-Christ, Julian, can't you even keep your pants on for-"

"-Captain Sisko, if you wish to press charges, I can-"

"EVERYBODY, SHUT UP!"

Bashir looked around the hallway angrily, then turned to Sisko. 
"Captain, if you'll accompany me to the Infirmary, I'll see to your 
injury." 

They left the docking area. Behind them he heard O'Brien mumble, 
"Thundering Jesus, it's true."

He looked at the doctor, surprised. "How the hell did they know?"

Julian flushed, then removed his arm from around Ben's waist. "Haven't 
the least idea." 

"So much for secrecy." He gave Julian a wry look. "Do you mind?"

Julian laughed. "Next time can I just get kidnapped?"